42

 

       THE GRANDFATHER

   

    She talks to me about the trees and the fruit and the weather.  I watch her mouth more than listen.  Her teeth are even and just a little yellowed.  Her grandmother had good teeth.  The Shugharts all had good strong teeth.  Old Man Shughart had teeth like a goddamned horse.

    And Wes is busy with a new apartment complex out on the island.  They're going to turn an old elementary school into low income housing.  There, that was a nice breeze.  You get such nice breezes down from the mountain.  Comes right through the trees.  We don't get much air where we are.  I guess we're just too closed in.

    You been smokin'?

    What?  No, why?

    Teeth.  Your teeth are yellow.  Woman oughtn't to smoke.  Teeth'll get yellow.

    Well, I haven't been smoking.  My teeth are just hard to whiten.  The dentist told me that.

    You tell your mother to give you some of them apples.  Rambos.  They're ready right now.  You take some of them with you.

    She nods.  She said I could pick some myself.  How are the cherries?

    Bings are there.  You missed them Queen Annes.  Don't 'mount to much.  That John was over here picking at night again.  I heard him.

    She gets that look like the rest of them.  Think I'm a loony.  My trees.  I've lived here long enough to know.  It's beyond me how some folks just          I know what I hear and what I don't.  Think I'm crazy.  Where's that husband of yours?

    Wes?  He's outside with Daddy.  They're just looking around.  Daddy'd having a good time just telling us what he's

    See my dog?

    Yeah.    I saw him when we came in.

    Had Doug worsh him and all.

    Why'd you do that?  He'll just get all dirty again.  He's already dirty.

    I'm gonna bring him in the house.

    Oh.

    That's all she's got to say about it.  Sometimes I wonder about them, all of them.  Even the little ones are showing sign of 'mounting to nothing more than          Even the little ones.

    Grandpa?

    Eh?  What?

    What's this I hear about you giving the doctor trouble?  Don't you look away, now.  I'm serious; you should let him have a look at you.

    You tell your mother that's my business.

    Not when it's your health, it's not.  What about the rest of us?  We want you to

    Be nice to have the dog in here where

    Don't you change the subject on me.  She sounds a little like her mother.  Good Lord save us all.  I was talking about the doctor.  She says you gave him a real hard time.

    I grin, but the teeth slip.

    Real proud of yourself, aren't you?

    Sounds too much like her mother to be funny.  That boy better not let that go like Art did.  Haul off and smack her one while he's still got the upper hand, that's what he better do.  Lucky I never had to.  Never had to raise my hand.  Susan goes on about wouldn't I want to really know what's wrong with me.  Funny how them that's dead are closer and closer the older you get.  I'm old and I'm almost dead and I don't need or want to hear it from some young doctor that's got no more idea what it means than I did when I was his age.  When it comes to that they ain't got no better ideas than when Doc Yarborough was learning his stuff.  At least he knows a little bit about it now.  Not as much as me but a little more.  It makes you feel no better that it's got a name and that they know what it is.  Whatever it is, you didn't have it when you were young and you won't have it when you're dead.

    What are you so smiley about?

    Eh?  I know what's wrong with me.

    I give up.  If you want to go to that old quack, it's your life.

    I almost say thank you, but that boy, Wesley, pokes his head in, and she looks up at him.

    Oh, there he is.  Grandpa just asked me where you were.

    Oh, did he?

    And I told him you were out with Daddy.  Did you have a nice time?  You can fill me in later.

    I say hello to him and he smiles and nods.  This boy doesn't talk much.  Usually I like that, but with him I'm not so sure.  With him I'm not sure at all.  If that doctor'd looked like him maybe I'da let him have a look,  never can tell.

    We were just talking about Grandpa going to the doctor.  Don't you think he should go to the doctor?  Don't you think he should go and see if there isn't something new they can do for him?

    He has the good sense not to answer.  He looks at me, and I feel like the two of us are alone in the room, that he might say something that only the two of us'll hear.  But he just looks, and I look back.  A little smile.  I'd like to feel that we understand each other, but I don't know.  He just looks at her an says, Maybe we should let him get some rest.  I'm used to them talking about me like I'm not here, but from him, it is different.  A chill runs up and down my legs.  From him, it's as if I'm already dead, and what's more, it feels like it.  She says goodbye and touches my forehead with her hand.  It's along time since any of them could muster a kiss.

    Maybe this boy's shit is  different.  Maybe he ain't just different from them but different period.  No.  There can't be a difference, I've known that too long now.  After they're gone I just lay and watch the shadows from my chestnut on the wall.  That'd change everything.  If there's a difference then giving in          That'd change everything.  Jesus never cried, I tell myself.  They say He never cried.  It's a hard thing to live one way and then          No.  I'm tired.  I'm as tired as I can ever remember being, but I can't sleep.  The leaves just move across my wall; they never stop moving.  I hear them go outside and somewhere I hear Art hammering, but this time, try as I might, I can't get a laugh out of it.