25

 

       LORRAINE

 

    I don't know how much of this I can take.  There's just so much the nerves can take.  I read that.  There's only so much they can take, and then you have a breakdown or something.

    He sits there watching me like I don't know what I'm doing.  Don't worry, I tell him.  Don't worry, Daddy, I've washed your dirty drawers before.  These ain't the first and they won't be the last.

    Eh?

    I said not to worry about your pants!

    He nods.

    I take them out of the water, slop them down in the sink and lift the basin.  The sun is just too bright.  It fairly blinds you when you open the door.  I carry the soapy water to the edge of the cement and dump it on the weeds.

    Lorraine, is that you?  The voice is muffled.

    Yeah, Art.  I walk around the corner of the front porch where his feet stick out from beneath the wood.  I kick one of his dirty boots.  Who'd you think it was?  You think he got up and dumped his own dirty water?  Or maybe you think the maid did it?

    This may not be as bad as I thought.  We might just be able to salvage this.  Just one timber really bad and the others

    When you think you can get the garden in?  I been asking for almost two weeks.  Longer.  The lettuce and the radishes and stuff should've been in a month ago.

    I've been busy.

    Don't I know it!  It's the middle of May, for God's sake!

    And I said I'll get to it.  If it's so important, why don't you get Eric to do it for you?

    You wouldn't have such a hard time of it if you'd've spaded up the ground like I told you last fall.  You'd just have to do a little digging and you'd be all set.  Now you let it all get covered with grass and weeds; it'll take you forever to dig that up.  You'll get to it!  When?  Before the first snow?

    He doesn't answer.  His feet don't move.

    When?  I want to kick him again, harder.

    Huh?

    The garden.  When?

    I said I'll get to it.

    And that's supposed to do it?  Poof, and it's done!  Art says, I'll get around to it, and the ground opens up and up comes a garden!  I don't know why I waste my breath.  Heaven knows I don't ask for much; you'd think I could get a garden dug!  I'm not asking that you plant anything.  Just dig up the ground a little.  Is that too much to ask?

    No.

    What?

    I said no.

    You're darned right it's not!  That's not too much to ask.  But can I get it done?  No.  Can I get anything done around here?  If you want something done, you may as well do it yourself.  That's the only way you can get it done right and on time.

    That's right.

    What?  What'd you say?

    I was just agreeing with you. 

    Yeah, yeah, that's right, make fun of me!  That's all I can expect from you!

    I was just agreeing with you.          

    I haul off and kick him in the shin.  I mean it this time.  He yells and draws the leg up under the porch.  If this is gonna be the way it's gonna be, I don't know how much I can take, I yell.  Didn't even start anything yet, and it's like there's no time          Oh, never mind!  I bang the basin against my hip and carry it inside.

    The first thing I see is Daddy, halfway out of his chair, reaching for the radio on the shelf above the sink.  Here!  Here, let me get that.  You'll fall and break something, and we'll have to cart you off to the hospital.  You want to go to the hospital?

    Baseball's on.

    Oh, Lord!  Is that starting again?  It just seems like yesterday they were finishing up with that.  Here, put that in there.  How's that?  Is that okay?  He doesn't act like he hears, but I leave him there, with the wire hanging out of his ear.  He pushes the dial up all the way with his knuckle.  I can hear a little, squeaky voice but can't make out what it's saying.

    It's all your fault, you know?  I say as I go back to the sink.  I look but he's playing ball in Cinncinnati or someplace.  Of course you know it.  You knew it before you did it.  You knew it when you asked, you knew what it would do.  You knew it'd drive me right up the wall!  I raise my voice because it doesn't matter.  I don't think he'd hear even if he wasn't hooked up to that radio.  And you don't care, do you, Daddy?  You don't care.

    I finish wringing the pants and edge around behind him to hang them over the wooden rack in his bedroom.  You have to sit right in the middle of the kitchen?  Can't you listen to that thing in the other room?  'Fraid you'll miss something?  Live in a zoo and it's hard not to look at the animals.  Isn't that right?  Huh, Daddy?  Isn't that right?

    He taps his foot in the slipper and makes a noise like escaping gas.  His teeth lift and settle three times before he gets the word out.  Homerun!

    That's good, Daddy.  I pat him on the shoulder as I pass by him again.  That's nice.

    He notices me for the first time since I plugged him in.  He looks up like I asked him a question.  I shake my head no, but he wraps the cord around one finger and pulls it out.

    I didn't say anything, Daddy.  Go back to listening to your game.

    What's Art doing?

    He's under the porch.

    Under the porch, you say?

    Yeah, Daddy.

    What's he doing under there?

    I don't know!  How would I know?  Whatever you do under a porch.

    He looks away like I'm lying to him.

    Really Daddy, I don't know what he's doing.  Here, let me put that back in there.  Who's winning?